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Staring  

Q. Why did the woman, who seemed to be so offended by leering co-workers, wear that outfit to work?

A. Because, when she woke up, there was a large man sitting next to her, pointing a gun at her head, and he said, “Put on that push up bra, and that low cut blouse, those tight jeans, and those stiletto heels, bitch, or I’ll blow your head off. Now go to work. And don’t button up any of those buttons on that blouse before you get there, or I’ll come looking for you.”

In general, staring is bad form. A gentleman never stares at someone who is distinguished by some physical deformity, handicap, or unsightly blemish. When speaking with such a person, or with anyone else for that matter, it’s best to look them directly in the eye. (This is also good advice when conversing with a voluptuous woman wearing a low-cut frock. Although, we acknowledge, quite challenging in the latter case.)

Because we are a realist, and as guilty of this fault as the next male animal, we make an exception for staring at pretty women as they walk by (or jog, fly, or dance by). Nature, or God, or plastic surgeons, as the case may be, have made some women with a shape that is impossible for any red-blooded son of Adam to ignore. But there are different sorts of stares, and these should be distinguished from leers. A look of honest but restrained awe is preferable to an OH-MY-GOD I JUST WANT TO RIP HER CLOTHES OFF AND TAKE HER RIGHT HERE type of stare, although the latter may be forgiven when a really hot woman is wearing slit skirts, visible thong underwear, lace bras, cfm heels, or some combination thereof.

Extreme discretion should be used when ogling any woman who is young enough to be your…well, you know – too young.

Note to the ladies – don’t like to be stared at? Simple enough – don’t wear clothing so tight that crafty air molecules can’t get between your shirt and your skin. If we can tell the color and cut of your undies as you walk by, you may have to forgive the men for staring. And if your blouse is transparent, don’t look too terribly offended if men appear to be trying to see through it. And no, we’re not really going to believe that the booty hugging black dress and lace bra were the only clothes you had that were clean.

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