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CUBS SET RECORD FOR LOSSES! 

Even here at The Outrage there is a limit to the amount of governmental blundering, incompetence, and corruption we can endure. So we set out on a quest to find an organization that epitomized the success ratio of modern day politicians and their programs, while giving our weary eyes a break from the seemingly endless parade of official folly.

We found the perfect model! The legendary Chicago Cubs. They started the season 11 games ago and they've maintained a perfect record of consistency, losing every single one. In doing so, they've managed to set a National League Record for opening losses, beating out the Atlanta Braves who blazed into the 1988 season with ten opening losses.

The Cubs current bench coach Billy Williams may be the perfect candidate for the US presidential race in 2000. What changes does he plan on making to reverse this losing course? None. "There is nothing or nobody that needs changing," the articulate Williams said. This man must take his inspiration from Castro or North Korean dictator Kim Jong -- dictators who have diligently hung on to their communist idealogy for decades as their countries continued the downward spiral into starvation.

"Everybody's trying to do too much... everyone is still in a good mood," Williams says. And why not? Paid millions of dollars for working a couple hours a day, these guys are doing just fine.

Meanwhile, opposing teams eagerly await Cubs visits.

(Source: Fox News.)

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