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LARCENOUS LITIGATORS 


 


 

 


LARCENOUS LITIGATORS

 





Billions For Lawyers


While the average American toils away for $12.50 an hour, five law firms in Texas are about to be paid over $2,300,000,000 for their role in forcing tobacco companies to pay the state of Texas $15,300,000,000.

01/23/98


Kids In Court


Mrs. Schultz said her ten-year-old daughter had been subjected to name calling, hair pulling and taunts from her classmate, Cassandra, so she took the matter to a Michigan court.

12/04/97


Outrageous ACLU


Civil liberties are important matters, and we’re glad that somebody’s defending them. But, names aside, that somebody is not the ACLU.

10/06/97


Drink Till You Die


The SAEs at Louisiana State University apparently forced their pledges to drink until they threw up, and even set up “vomiting stations” in preparation of the exciting event. That’s outrageous.

09/11/97


Feds Pay A House Call


Like many Americans who have a problem, Dick thinks a lawsuit is the answer. So he filed suit against his wife under the Federal Clean Air Act.

09/10/97


The Billion Dollar Fee


If you thought all the legal battling regarding cigarettes was about health, think again. The real driving force is, as usual, money–and how much of it attorneys can get for themselves.

08/29/97


A Piece Of The Rock


Perhaps you’ve heard about the lawsuit filed by three citizens of the country of Yemen against NASA. The three men claim to have inherited Mars from their ancestors 3,000 years ago. They charged NASA with trespassing, by landing the Sojourner and Pathfinder explorers on the red planet without their permission.

08/22/97


Clear As Black And White


The Daily Outrage is perplexed. We know this is outrageous, but we can’t determine who the villains are.

07/16/97


Pro Bono Equals 6.7 Million


Are the lawyers at the American Civil Liberties Union a group of idealists selflessly working for the advancement of civil liberty and individual freedom? Or are they a bunch of greedy hypocrites seeking to milk every possible dollar out of high-profile cases using the ACLU as a clever cover?

07/11/97


State Pays Killer $40,000


A man is paid by one state to guard prisoners. He then kills one of the prisoners he is paid to guard. He is then paid by another state to monitor prison conditions. When that state fires him for his past record as a killer, he is paid once more. In effect, he has made $40,000 for killing Vinson Harris.

05/14/97


Lawyers Profit From Racism – $29 Million


The Texaco race discrimination suit has just been settled. The almost mind-boggling amount of $176 million will end up being paid by totally innocent shareholders of the company, and average Joes and Janes spending more for gas. Of course, none of the money will be paid by the Texaco employees whose actions instigated the suit.

03/26/97


Lawyer Files Workers Comp Claim For Murder Victim Goldman


Were you under the mistaken impression that by dying you might at least escape from greedy lawyers and ridiculous government programs? Think again.

03/24/97


Lawyer Seeks $300 Million Profit From Oklahoma Tragedy


While the great majority of honest Americans toil away for average wages and salaries, personal injury lawyers are reaping the real wealth of America.

03/20/97


 






 


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