You know that doctors and lawyers, as well as your stockbroker, have to be licensed. But have you gotten your license yet for Johnnie and little Sue to go trick-or-treating?
Yes, indeed, in the most recent of a long series of critical government steps to ensure the public's welfare, some municipalities are now requiring trick-or-treaters to get a license before stumbling up to the neighbor's doorstep.
In Bridgeport, Ohio, the city council was nervous that out-of-town trick-or-treaters might overwhelm the local penchant for generosity. Kids age 14 and under are required to register with the city and get an orange pass before they begin their rounds.
If the city really wanted to contribute to the spirit of Halloween, they could start jailing violators of the new rule. THAT would teach the little tykes who's boss.
Of course, Halloween in Bridgeport won't actually take place on Halloween Night. Traffic's pretty bad on Friday night, you see, so the town moved Halloween from Friday to Thursday night.
Of course we applaud the farsighted wisdom of Bridgeport, and we'd like to suggest similar improvements that could be instituted throughout the holiday season.
For instance, we hope that Bridgeport and other progressive enclaves will institute mandatory medical check-ups prior to the gorging that normally takes place on Thanksgiving Day. A "No Seconds" rule might be wise.
Furthermore, if Christmas celebrations were moved to early January it could enable Bridgeport's citizens to take better advantage of those excellent sales beginning on December 26. Some traffic rules for elves and reindeer are also long overdue. And is it really safe to have Saint Nick going down all those chimneys?
We all know what a hazard the roads are on New Year's Eve, what with all the drinking and driving. Sensible towns and cities will make sure that New Year's Day is celebrated on, say, January 7th.
Here at The Outrage we've already begun our preparations for next year's Fourth of July celebrations, to be held sometime in late August.
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Quote of the Day!
I may have grown cynical from long service, but... I sometimes think I'd rather be a dog and bay at the moon than stay in the Senate another six years and listen to it.
-- John Sharp Williams, retirement speech, March 4, 1923
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