Proving that he's cut from the same cloth as his hypocritical father, and that the term "principled politics" truly is an oxymoron, President Bush has signed one of the largest money-for-votes bills ever - a $190 billion farm subsidy bill that will hugely benefit the richest corporate farmers at the expense of taxpayers across America. Like so many conservatives, Bush espouses free market rhetoric, but when it comes to winning the next election he'll pay whatever it takes, just like any whore. The subsidies are an attempt to buy the voters of farmland states in the upcoming fall elections, and thus shift control of the senate back to the GOP. The bill also serves as a preemptive strike by Bush to secure his reelection in 2004.

"It's not a perfect bill, I know that. But you know, no bill ever is," Bush said with a chuckle and his usual asinine smirk. "There's no such thing as a perfect bill. Or otherwise, I'd get to write every one of them." We're glad that Mr. Bush finds it so amusing, as he rapes the very people that voted for him, the fools that thought that values like self-reliance had some meaning. Bush preaching "fiscal restraint" now has all the credibility of Jesse Jackson and Ted Kennedy talking about the virtues of celibacy.

Not only is Bush not axing existing subsidies, many of which go to pay farmers to leave land fallow (read, farmers are paid to do nothing), but he's actually increasing them by 80%, and adding new crops to the list of those that receive subsidies. Advocates of subsidies argue that, without them, many American farmers would go out of business. Yes, well, so what? "We have to have a safety net," says Paul Junkans, a rancher in Henley, Mo. Really? And does everyone else get a "safety net". Does the Korean couple working 16 hours a day running the corner grocery get a safety net? How about the struggling artist - is he or she guaranteed a minimum income? Now that the market has turned down, how about subsidies for computer programmers?

The fact is that America has way too many farms and farmers, and only an elaborate system of subsidies and price controls keeps them, not only in business, but wealthier than the average American from whom they steal. And let's make no mistake about it - a farmer taking a subsidy is no better than a ghetto kid selling drugs. In fact, the kid selling drugs is, morally speaking, on much higher ground - there is a market for the drugs, but there is no economically viable market for the farmer's crops. A kid selling drugs is a harassed entrepreneur. A farmer taking a subsidy is simply a thief.

It's a real pity that kids from America's urban centers waste their violence killing each other over drug deals and gang wars. The real stealing in America is done legally, and the thieves, like their accomplices the politicians, are rarely if ever caught. If the tough kids from America's cities really wanted to vent their rage, they should head on out to the farm - and kill a few rich, white, fat farmers. But before they do that, they should drop by the White House and wipe the smirking grin off the man who's the biggest thief of all.

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It has been far safer to steal large sums with a pen than small sums with a gun.